I often times wish I had a life remote.
Life as a stay at home mom can be very emotionally draining. With two girls ages 2 and 10 months there is quite a emotional roller coaster ride I am taken on. Seems like someone is always eating and one is on the verge of needing a nap. We play, someone gets hurt, throws a fit, then there is giggling, and lots and lots of partying.
There are moments in my motherhood experience that I would like to pause. Breathe it in.
Feel-The warmth. The touch. The smile. The love.
I am not describing profound occurrences. Just simple things.
As sit down with Gracie and complete a puzzle with her and the excitement she has as she completes it. The high five and response of "mommy I did it!" (pause please)
Or as I follow and watch my 10 month old Heidi doddle around everywhere and turn towards me and we catch one another's eye and she smiles scrunchy faced as she fearlessly walks back to me (pause please)
Every morning Gracie calls for me that she is awake (she still sleeps in a crib) and I go in and get her out of bed. I pick her up and she wraps her arms around my neck and we hug (pause please)
When I go in to get Heidi after her naps. Her room is a dark dungeon so I can't see her, but I can hear her little feet in excitement with a squeal of delight to match (pause please)
As Gracie kneels in prayer and thanks her Heavenly Father that "Heidi doesn't fall no more and no more crying" (pause please)
When I am nursing Heidi and I look down at her and catch her looking right at me and I give her a smile and she immediately stops nursing and gives me a big open mouthed dimpled grin (pause please)
When I see Gracie help Heidi and give her hugs and try to help her when she is sad or upset (pause please)
Or when Heidi lays her head onto her daddy's tummy with a big smile on her face. (pause please)
Lastly when gracie asks as I am writing this post while on the elliptical, "mommy do you wanna come cuddle with me now?" I stop exercising and writing, yes gracie I would love too. (pause please)
I love my family. Our love for one another. Family is what life is all about.
I sound like my kids are getting old or something. I know it's not the case. I just don't want to forget these moments. These feelings. I just fear I will forget. I fear they will forget. I fear one day they won't need me anymore. Because I need them. I will always need them.
I am often told it goes by fast. The fast forward button is not on my life remote.
I love being Gracie and Heidi's mom. It's the best.